A strange feeling

Of not knowing who I am beyond myself here on Earth reality, beyond the ego. I am at a point in my life where I am so strongly associated with the ego. I know very well who I am on Earth, my role and path in the matrix, my most human desires and needs. So strange how I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum just 2 years ago to the other, from being highly spiritually aware but detached from earthly reality to what now seems like the polar opposite. I was upper chakra dominant before, now the lower root has taken over, which is good, it’s what I strived for back when I was too ‘spacey’ and ‘cosmic’. At that end of the spectrum I grew to see how necessary integration with fellow humans and society was in order to make effect and materialize my thoughts. Now that I can’t detach from my humanistic reality, I feel a discomfort, an incompleteness I did not feel before, and constant hunger, an insatiable desire for a perfection that can never be reached. It’s funny that I can see myself going down this path in search of happiness and satisfaction within the matrix and it’s constructs yet have my core wisdom tell me that even when I reach the top of the mountain, I’ll find like many before me that true satisfaction does not wait for me there. But here I go..have to see for myself I suppose. 

I’m not angry or upset that I have to be an insatiable human, I accept this phase of life, I know it is merely a level I must play in the game of human life, but a part of me does feel that I was perhaps ‘better’ and smarter before, healthier spiritually. I was able to find solace in the truths of the higher dimensions before, but now they are not so easy to resonate with when I am so strongly identified with this dimension. Balance balance is always the answer. 

Crazy how I thought I was going to be a wise spiritual teacher not too long ago. Did I allow myself to deviate from this path or was it always written that I was not meant for that path? Are there many different potentials or is there that one potential we’re supposed to be? How does one cure fomo? 


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