Little did I know (but not surprisingly) that these random books I decided to take home from the used book store, (amongst the dozens I was contemplating), would be the keys and foundation I need for the next steps in my life. I swear the higher powers talk to me through books that I choose off of intuition and impulsion, without having quite the reason or interest in the book, something higher pulls me to pick the books that I pick. Even if it’s years later, I eventually find out the reason and purpose for the book’s appearance in my life.

Healing Hot Springs

People have been using these precious baths to heal for hundreds of years and this past weekend I took a dip for the first time. First noticeable difference was that later after getting out of the springs, drying, putting my clothes on, sun setting, I did not feel cold when I know I normally would have. It was so strange, I felt on the surface of my skin how cold the breeze was, but my bones and core remained warm. I bundled up because I knew logically I should be cold and it would be a smarter move to stay protected during this body anomaly, besides I didn’t know how long it would last or if my body was on high from the trek down to the creek. 


It lasted the whole weekend and even now, and it is such a warm feeling. My interpretation is that my chi is now flowing better throughout my body, therefore keeping me warm. When I was younger I could meditate for an hour or 2, and I could feel the warm embrace of my own light energy. I then understood how the stories of monks who could survive in extreme temperatures with no food, martial art masters who could set paper on fire, could be true. The effect has faded, but the entire experience was motivation enough to make meditation and energy movement a daily practice, and of course visit hot springs more regularly!

Life Status

Two years after graduating USC.

Joe Schmoe: “Nice to meet you, what do YOU do?”

Me: “Oh you know…just on a journey of deep self awareness to become more in tune with my inner values and intuition so I can discover my true passions and inspirations in order to be fulfilled and happy.”

Joe Schmoe: “No but what do you DO?”

Me: “I nanny and work for an educational research company..”

OH smalltalk….

10 Steps to Find Yourself

  1. Tune into your emotions and how you’re feeling, they are your compass. We often stray or drift away from our compass’ direction, because we are taught early on to suppress our feelings when they are inappropriate. We allow the mind’s thoughts and goals and to do lists to rule over how we truly feel.
  2. Do what inspires you and brings you passion. The opposite of feeling lost, is feeling passionate and inspired. Dare to admit to what you feel passionate about. If you think you need money first to do what you dream, you are listening to your mind. People who are lost are disconnected from their feelings, therefore their purpose, their passion, and the meaning in their life.
  3. Ask yourself Why you are doing things. The more self awareness you have, the more you will find yourself. 
  4. Hang out with people who make you feel good when you’re around them, with people you feel deep connection and intimacy with. No work or sports friends because the only thing that connects you most times is the activity, so the connection is contingent on what you do.
  5. Stop distracting yourself, it takes away from being present with youself. We escape the feeling of being lost and empty with porn addictions, focusing on other’s problems, setting goals, spending hours on social media, or becoming too busy. To not be busy is to have to be with yourself. What in your life serves as a distraction from yourself?
  6. Invite meaning into your life. Try new philosophies, belief systems about the meaning of life. Create your own personal religion based on all of the truths you’ve collected from various ideas. 
  7. Don’t be afraid to loose yourself, nothing is going wrong. You can’t find yourself if you don’t loose yourself. You’re closer to your truth than those who are lost but are in denial. If you know and admit you are lost, you know where you are, you are lost.
  8. Stop being cerebral about what will make you happy. We all have a concept of what we think will make us happy. This is not seeing what will make you happy, this is believing your mental stories. People that constantly set goals, place their happiness in reaching those goals set by their mind, and sacrifice their present happiness.
  9. Quit living cautiously. Quit living in self doubt. Try new things, be brave.
  10. Make a realistic gameplan to finding yourself on paper. Pick a few things and follow through with them. Make a feeling log, pick up an instrument, spend more time with yourself, do what makes you feel good, express your emotions, etc.

**Directly from TEAL SWAN’S video “Feeling Lost and how to find yourself.”

She is amazing, watch all of her videos to become your highest self. Her videos help me through my hardest times.

In Silence there is Wisdom

With the most boundless imagination, using any animation or visual you can create, visualize your heart.

 

What was the first thing that popped into your mind?

What did it look like? What was the mood and atmosphere of the scene?

What color is it? What color is the background?

What is the size relative to everything else? The texture?

Is there anything around it? Any sound in the background?

My scene was a huge pink glistening titanium heart, the center of a kingdom (which was miniature and small compared to the centerpiece). Medium sized royal majestic flags at it’s side. Orange and red background of the landscape and kingdom. Wind blowing the flags, a small gate surrounding and guarding the heart.

This exercise showed me the psychology of my heart. I feel I have a grand, strong heart that can resist, deflect, and withstand a great deal while keeping it’s shine. It’s temperature depends on it’s surroundings as a hot day would warm titanium and a cold day it would cool. An adaptable, resilient heart.  “Titanium is hard as steel, but much less dense, ability to withstand extreme temperature, reflects radiation, used in sunscreens, hypoallergenic.” The heart being gigantic compared to the toy-set kingdom city means that I am governed overwhelmingly by my heart, and not by my ego or society.

Crazy what our free flowing imagination can tell us, as if it channels our divine knowledge. But it has to be your first gut thought, usually our intuitive psychic abilities (aka connection with your God-Self that knows all, pure creative energy) are the instinctual feelings that come before the mind’s ego chatter. That’s why in silence, there is wisdom.

**Updated results doing this exercise a year from the first time**10/20/16**

I see my heart as a glowing core of green rock, with molten rock covering it, like a piece of kryptonite recovered from deep within the Earth, covered by crumbling rock, but I can see parts of the glowing, warm, radiant, powerful stone peeking through. Like a heart being reborn, rising from the ashes like a Phoenix. 

Looking back now I see my heart was strong, but it didn’t have a self sustaining generating core. My energy and love was dependent on my external circumstances, whereas now I’m seeing that I have a beautiful, limitless, powerhouse stone, that is generating heat on its own. The crumbling molten rock shows me that it’s not fully recovered from the breakup that destroyed it, it’s still in the process of transformation and healing. But alas I can see what is peeking through beneath the rock, my very own sun, generator of love and life. How beautiful and amazing that I have made it here. 

Imagine a world..

Where food and water are accessible to everyone

Where healthcare is a human right

Where education is a human right

Where safety is a fundamental liberty

Where all music and art are free for everyone

Because we chose to prioritize and pay for these things

With a yearly fee

Redirecting our taxes to make healers, artists and educators

not soldiers and business sharks

Steps To Healing

Step 00) Care about yourself enough to care to heal yourself, prioritize your happiness and highest creative potential. You need to WANT to live. Spark curiosity for excitement.
Step 1) Observe and pinpoint all aspects of yourself, positive and negative, light and shadows.
Step 2) Stop resisting shadow parts of yourself. Stop criticizing yourself and saying you need to change or fix yourself. Sit with your wounds and traumas and emotions and be with them, don’t abandon them. See your imperfections as perfect. Reparent yourself with unconditional love and acceptance.
Step 3) Allow yourself to be who you are, in flow with the universe now that you’ve accepted who and what you are. Follow your highest excitement. In order to do this you have to be good with who you are now, excited about your NOW, then you can attract all the exciting things.